Woman thinking about leaving

When Is It Time To Leave?
We have all been there at one point or another-that manager that is just
impossible to work with. They twist your words, fly of the handle, take credit for
your work, slack off while others are over worked, or they embarrass you. It’s not
too long until you find yourself deciding its time to look for another situation.
Before you leave, take a hot second and consider two particular points.
Did you self reflect?
The first things to ask yourself is-Is there something I can do to change it? If you
realize that you are job hopping for the same lousy things happening to you over
and over, then the answer to that question is almost certainly yes. You just might
be the common denominator in this scenario.
It can be hard to admit, but there is usually a grain of truth in when others call
you out. It’s not that it’s all your fault, but it takes two to tango, after all. Did you
really sit down and consider what you could do differently? It is incredibly rare
that you would have nothing to change and or grow. Consider having a very
honest look at yourself and decide what you can truly do to become better at
your role, and a better team member.
If the issue is their lack of team work, ask yourself if you are being hyper critical.
No one is perfect, and you may have biases creeping in and distorting your
perception. Do you feel that you should have been promoted instead of them, or
do they seem to be the team favorite? You wouldn’t be the first person to
succumb to these very human tendencies. Its better to find this out for yourself in
order to keep it from sabotaging your ability to make positive relationships in the
Self-reflecting might feel like you are validating the mistreatment or lack of team
work, etc., but that is not the case. What you are doing is giving yourself a chance
to grow and improve. This will serve you and your career goals, whether you stay
at your current job or find a new one. Once you have identified the things you feel
you can improve on, go to your manager and tell them exactly what you
discovered about yourself. Provide details on how you plan on showing up in the
future. This may or may not correct your on-going issues with them, but it
certainly shows that you are a person of integrity.

Are you being accountable?
Also consider that you may need to take action to address your concerns; don’t
wait or assume someone else should figure it out. If you feel something isn’t right
or are constantly in conflict with someone, don’t quit until you know that you
have truly put forth an effort to improve things. Speak to someone in a position of
authority to address your concerns. Gossiping to co-workers or complaining isn’t
going to cut it. Put actual effort into a solutions-based conversation. Yes-it will
most likely be uncomfortable. Get over it. This is a great example of how you can
break a cycle that is holding you down, and you have only yourself to blame if you
don’t try. Growing your emotional intelligence is a strength that will serve you in
every area of your life. It takes real sense of personal character to show up when
others would rather blame you for their problems or perception.
A great way to make progress changing a relationship with someone is to
apologize for things that you know you can genuinely do better. It’s always best to
put this in writing whenever appropriate. If you have a genuinely awful manager,
having proof in writing of how hard you are working to make things right can only
help you.
Don’t get caught up in what you want from them-it isn’t going to get you to the
finish line. Focus on the only person you can change-yourself. For example, if your
manager is unreasonable and tends to attack you rather than listen, you can try
asking them how they would prefer you to share information. People that do this
are usually behaving this way because they are easily intimidated, and have little
personal accountability. Usually, they will continue to tell you what they don’t like
about your communication, rather than give you helpful suggestions for moving
forward. Don’t give up-ask them again. Tell them that your relationship is
important to you, and you would love to know specifically how they would like to
receive information from you in the future. Hopefully, they will eventually hear
you and answer your question in a constructive way. If not, you know that you
have done everything you can, and are able to move on with a clear conscience. If
you work with someone that constantly slacks and you end up picking up their
work, sit down with them and tell them exactly what your concerns are. Best case
scenario, they are just incredibly unaware of how their actions are impacting
others. Worst case, they don’t care and are probably already looking for another

job themselves. Ask them if you can help them in any way, and that you are
committed to showing up for them. The point here is that regardless of the
problem-always approach these conversations with what you can do, not what
they other person is doing wrong. If they continue to let the team down, it’s your
responsibility to tell the appropriate manager.
If accountable conversations don’t change anything, and the people in a position
of authority can’t, or won’t, do anything to help then you may need to make the
switch to a new job.
So you left, what now?
Be honest and professional in exit interviews. This isn’t about sticking it to
someone, its about continuing to show yourself what you are capable of.
Everyone has already heard ‘people don’t leave jobs, they leave managers.’
Hopefully a well thought out explanation at your exit interview will make it to the
right person. Chances are, the job you are leaving was started by someone that
truly cares, otherwise you probably wouldn’t have started working there to begin
with. A truthful and polite response will get more attention than would lashing
out and throwing shade at someone. Take your new found sense of heightened
integrity with you to your new job, and see what you can accomplish.
Kristine McCormick CVPM, SHRM-SCP